Friday, January 31, 2014

The day Morgan went to Zumba class...

Today I went to Zumba class for the first time ever.

As an avid runner, I am into intense workouts. I have always considered Zumba to be "for the pansies of the world". However, I recently took up kickboxing and found that I really love it, so I thought I would open myself up to more workout experiences. My job offers workout classes over lunch, and Zumba is on Fridays.

With much encouragement from my team, I grabbed my workout gear and headed over to the Commons. I should have known it boded ill for me when I *almost* fell down the huge flight of stairs on the way to class.

Throwing on my workout gear (which were running shorts and a tank top), I headed into class, immediately realizing that yoga pants and a cute t-shirt was the outfit of choice. Attempt to blend in #1: Fail.

I immediately try to find a dark corner to hide in. Sadly, the small, fluorescent lit room with a wall of mirrors had no such nook, and arriving right on time meant I had to stand in the front and center of the room. Attempt to blend in #2: Fail.

The friendly instructor offers each of us a sash/belt/thing. I took a moment to visualize myself in my running gear AND a brightly-colored, fancy sash... I declined her offer.
The class begins.

 For some reason, the instructor is holding up two fingers on her right hand, now two on the left, now four on the right, now one on each hand. Somehow, these hand-gestures correspond with the fast-paced dance movements. Trying to look inconspicuous, I attempt to pick out some sort of "pattern" to follow. However, the music is too fast for my poor brain. By the time I realize what each move is, we are on to a new move. Trying to get my eyes to both focus on her feet and her hand "number system" was mentally confusing.

Now is the time where I need to interject and let you know a fun Morgan Fact. I have realized (from learning kickboxing, and now Zumba), in an attempt to count and follow movements, I sometimes have a mental overload. This is an unfortunate time where I just stop moving. My face is blank, my hands are at my side, I put all my weight on my left leg, and my right leg just starts to do this random forward kicking motion (imaging kicking a tire). It is a bit disturbing.

Thankfully, this lasted only a few seconds (just long enough to realize I look incredibly stupid). I started to engage again, and I seemed to be learning! I was following along! And then they busted out the sexy moves.

Right there, in all the fluorescent lights, and attired in running gear, I was attempting to "shake it like a Polaroid picture". I began to suspect my movements were more alarming than sensual when the instructor comes over and asks, "Are you okay?" I smile and nod, realizing that my attempts to dance sexy are akin to seizure-like convulsions.


I persevered, but was not a successful Zumbaer. The instructor had to come over a couple times to save me from my weird mental leg kicking, encouraging me to "Just move your hands!"

Finally, the class finished. While it is a pretty mild physical work out, my brain definitely needed a post-class nap. I decided that since I am so bad, this class is probably good for me. I signed up for more humiliation next Friday.